Hello fellow readers! 2020 is off to a great start. And I mean that sarcastically. I started off this year with the mentality that it was a new decade, and I had so much energy. This was the year that I got shit done. And then life cuts up those little lemons that I love so much and squeezed them in my face.
I have not read a book since before Christmas. This is the longest I’ve gone without reading since I graduated high school. In my mind, this is what’s causing some of my feelings of failure, because I love reading. I read to escape the world and my problems. If I’m not reading, I have nowhere to hide, and it’s depressing. I am currently working on a way to try to get myself out of this slump so hopefully I will be picking up a book sometime this week.
Struggling At School
I finished 2019 strong with one of the most enjoyable classes that I’ve had to date since starting college. However, classes started back up at the beginning of January and I have been struggling hardcore. I don’t like the class and at times I feel like I’m not understanding what the professor is asking of me. Superbowl Sunday I spent working a 12 hour shift and then coming home and getting frustrated to the point I was crying because of an assignment. Thankfully, I’m halfway through this class and this week’s assignments aren’t that bad. I just can’t wait until I can move on to my next class which is math. I’ve already ordered my books so now I’m just counting down.
Work Is A Mother…….
I am extremely grateful that I’ve recently had the opportunity to fill in a leadership role at my job. By “fill in” I mean that I’ve gotten the training and I’m doing the job but it’s not my official title. While the job is stressful at times, and it is a lot of multi-tasking and running around, I couldn’t be happier with this opportunity. I think what stresses me out more is that being in a leadership role puts a spotlight on me, and sometimes I feel that it’s not in a good way. I’ve been criticized more than ever and often I feel that I’m a ping-pong ball that I’m too “this” or too “that”. I’m trying to find a happy medium and I know that I can do this job. It’s just something that I need to work on.
Since we’re on the topic of work……
There is nothing more heartbreaking than having your child ask you why you can’t be home more. Along with the responsibility change at work, overtime has picked up so much that I have less and less days off. When I do have off, I’m sitting in front of my computer trying to catch up with school work. I feel like there are so many parts of my life that are suffering because of this, but it’s something that is out of my control, so it’s frustrating to me. I’m hoping that it’s temporary and that it’s something that I just need to push through and hopefully things calm down a bit at work so I can have my days off.
I Miss The Gym!!
Some people might tell me that I’m crazy that I’m missing the gym. That’s okay, judge all you like, but I miss the gym. With everything else going on, I haven’t been to the gym in about three weeks. I haven’t fallen off of my health grind, but I just want to be able to have the time to get to the gym.
I Need To Push Through
I know that I have a lot going on, but I need to kick my ass in gear and stop making excuses for myself. I know I can do better and I will do better. Girl you got this!
As always I want to thank all of you for your continued support. I appreciate and love all of you more than you know. And until next time……….