The last I was on here I was wrapping up 2022 Blogmas. I was feeling high as a kite and just enjoying life. Everything just felt right. The moment Blogmas was over I started prepping for 2023. I was feeling so motivated to up my workout intensity and to get back into reading and writing. The typical things that I always feel motivated to do at the start of a new year.

New Years Eve it all went to shit and my world turned upside down. Honestly so much has happened in just these short weeks that it needs to be done in two parts. Obviously, by the length of this blog alone you’ll see that I’ve had a lot built up over the past few weeks.

My baby boy. My best friend. My soul in a kitty body, passed away.

He had been feeling ill for a few days and when we took him to the vet they confirmed what I knew. I was going to lose him. And I did. At 02:00 AM on New Years Eve I held him for the last time as his life ebbed away.

I feel like I had been preparing myself for this for so long. Every day I knew he was getting older and that eventually I would have to say goodbye. My fear actually started earlier last year after helping a colleague through her grief over the loss of her kitty. I couldn’t shake that fear even though people told me I had plenty of time with him. He was 8 years old. In cat years his life wasn’t even half over. Every time I looked at him and felt sad, I held on to the thought that I had more time with him. But it never once diminished the time that I spent with him. He was always my best friend. I had come to rely on him every day. I couldn’t sleep without him next to me. I couldn’t leave the house without giving him a final scratch. He would come flying into the kitchen the moment I opened the door after coming home from work.

I knew he was such a big part of my life but it wasn’t until he was gone that I realized how much my day revolved around him. For days after we lost him, my husband and I sat in silence. Staring at the tv but not actually seeing it. Grieving silently. Not wanting to eat. Finding ourselves taking paths in our normal routine that didn’t make sense anymore. We were lost and being completely transparent, we weren’t handling it well. Our dog, who we thought hated him, would sniff around for him and upon not finding him would droop her head and lay in spots where she wouldn’t be bothered. There was a smothering cloud of sadness hovering over our house.

Remembering our baby boy still hurts. There are still days I find myself crying because I miss him and all I have left of him is a box on a shelf and some pictures. And a blanket that still smells like him which I refuse to wash. I’m just taking it one day at a time. Goober taught me to live every day to it’s fullest. Don’t dwell on things you can’t change. Hug it out. Play. Have fun. Because life is too short and at any moment it could be over.